Jon and Kate Plus Upd8

Fig 1. Self-cam with moose ears. Awkward, no?
Fig 2. Um, perfect way to greet guests. I want one!
Fig 3. To match my blogskin!
Fig. 4. I'm starting to like the minimalistic look. But take off that throw, and you've got a hospital bed..hmm..it feels like I've been chained to one of those these days.


So I realize the last post seemed a little Debbie-Downerish and didn't really make much grammatical sense so I've saved you the trouble of ignoring it by giving it the boot! :)

On to the important stuff. Like plastic surgeried girls who look like trannies to redecorating my bedroom.

But really...it's vital I air this out! After being in my bedroom for 4 days straight (I'll explain soon), I've noticed my bare white walls and the scattered things in boxes are a little too bleak-lookin for my taste. So, my new year's resolution? Breathe new life to my environment, if not by a change in scenery, then at least a reorganization of my material world (or organization would be a first step). You'll be the first to see the finished product.

Hmmm, while I nitpick the room around me, I mustn't forget how unfortunate my own circumstance was.



After a week of paradise followed by a week of torture, my cheeks have finally deflated to a small lump on my lower right mandible...alright...you're not my doc, but it's relevant..sitting around waiting for disfiguration and pain to go away especially on Christmas Day isn't exactly a dream come true.

By the way, my new favorite Youtuber----Natalie "communitychannel"; For the WIN! (my new annoying "in" phrase that I will casually slip into my everyday convo...or not.)

I don't know why this would matter, but I actually researched where Australian accents came from cuz I always wondered what accent it sounded like besides British. It turns out, the accent originates from cockney and Irish accents with some slang generously thrown in. Those Aussies, they love their litotes! Look it up, I'm too lazy to explain.

Speaking of laziness...in my reclined and restless state of post-operative loneliness, I was able to complete the following:
1) Check my grades (eek)
2) Check and reply to my 135 emails that came in all from my one-week to Hawaii
3) Freak out my iPhone not syncing and researching/restoring/resetting for 7 hours all to no avail. Time for the paid hackers to come to the rescue.
4) Read 3 self-help books to lessen my cynicism (become emotionally younger if you may)
5) Do some good ol' soul-searching, only to wind up freaking out again about my future...AGAIN! UGH, it's like a bad, bad disease. And somehow, knowing that there's a chunk of literature all devoted to demystifying the quarterlife crisis doesn't give me any consolation.

Oh one good thing has come out of all of this lounging/freaking-out combination:

I've finished Jon & Kate Plus 8 the First Season. And I hereby decide...2 MAX. When I see this woman go, it's like she's a programmed beast with endurance that outlasts Olympians. I wish to be that efficient at multitasking one day. But instead of babies, how about consulting cases or event plans?



For your viewing pleasure,
If your in the mood for warm fuzzies with a little screaming to boot, I can't stress enough how cute this show is. My fave sextuplet is Alexis! If only I could be 2 again..lol.



If you want a good laugh at the ridiculousness of material girls, I highly recommend a dose of Xiaxue on her Youtube channel. Her bluntness and fakeness crack me up. Oh and her accent when she says such obscenities makes it all the more delightful. Her blog, on the other hand, doesn't quite translate the same.

If you want me to shut up now...no.

Yet again, I'm pretty much done rambling. Haha..oh wait...

Goodbye 08! HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 2-0-0-9!!
*cue fireworks and confetti*

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Sometimes I feel like I AM Bridget Jones

I don't know if it's the recent ugliness explosion of my epidermis, but I am on a skincare rampage due to an insurmountable inferiority complex that can only be quelled by purchasing every gimmicky quick-fix at Sephora, plus the Laneige regimen system, some 15 different kinds of BB creams, and more. But..my shopping spree must finally come to a screeching halt. What am I doing--spending money I don't have?

In light of this unpalatable glimpse of poverty, I've begun a job hunt. Now, what kind of torture I am up for THIS time..

Stapling? Copying? Filing? Oh Joy!
No..maybe I'll sell my body on the street.

But wait, prostitution is never the answer. Instead, I can follow the footsteps of one of my good high school friends that I caught up with yesterday. In her free time, she makes jewelry, and aspires to start a bakery. That's it! I'll sit by the garbage can in front of the 7-eleven, beading little strands of thread and plier-ing microscopic metal coils together. I could definitely be Paris Hilton's new best friend. Ugh.

So I've decided I'm in the mood the learn "mixology", the fine art of mixing alcoholic beverages..aka bartending. And now, I will be a whopping 2 steps short of prostitution. But then again, as a good salesperson told me, every encounter is a form of prostitution and you don't need to take off your clothes to self yourself. Who was that again? Some chick on a street corner...

I'm bitter. It's the dry skin. Or the 4 a.m. bipolarity?? I hope its curable..then again..who's around to see it? Back to blabbering...

I NEEEEED A VACATIONNNN...STRESSSS IS TAKINGGG OVERRR MY LIFEEE..

Sometimes, people ask me "Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
Then I say "I don't know? I'm too busy?"

But the correct answer should be "I WISH! I want my Prince Charming to save me from myself..but at the same time I know I need to figure out my own life before I let someone get involved in this mess."

If this post is making you dizzy. Please stop. Compose yourself. Take a coffee break. Return with some fun insights. Ok, moving on.

I just watched the movie Get Smart with Steve Carell. It was surprisingly hysterical. While I heard the faint grunts and snores of the other 7 people in the room, I was too busy being possessed by Carell's sheepish, awkward charm. Ahhh.

Wow..this has got to be the first good movie I've seen in ages. Last movie: The one with 4 women?? It was so bad I don't even know the name of it. Oh yeah, it was called The Women (had to take a trip to imdb).

Anyway, while unsuccessfully trying to describe my favorite plot lines to my mother in broken Mandarin, (Wheeew that was a lot of prepositional phrases) I decided "Well, suck it, I'll just compile a list of my favorite movies for your future viewing pleasure mother, and save both of us the pain of trying to describe/decipher "concubines" and "love affairs" in my limited Chinese vocabulary. Ew, language barriers and generation gaps do NOT go together.

So here it is...a list, painstakingly compiled while backing up my hard drive onto my new Simpletech portable HD! (YAYAYAY, haha yea i know..nerd):

WATCHED & AMAZING
match point**
scoop
penelope
becoming jane**
amelie**
50 first dates
juno
the other bolelyn girl
the prestige
the illusionist
lost in translation
atonement**
love actually
a cinderella man
ever after
lars and the real girl**
enchanted
waitress
bobby

TO BE WATCHED IN THE NEAR FUTURE:
the diving bell and the butterfly
the jane austen book club
the kite runner
girl with a pearl earring
the duchess
stardust
emma 1996
charlie wilson's war
michael clayton
august rush
gone baby gone
PS I love you
pride and prejudice 2005
once
memento
the dark knight
ironman
the office season 1-4
pushing daisies 1
across the universe
entourage 1
tropic thunder
chronicles prince caspian
the namesake
sicko
persepolis
volver
dejavu
apocalypto
little children
half nelson
miss potter
mr brooks
the queen
the painted veil
roger and me
bowling for columbine
the big one
reign over me (adam sandler)
death at a funeral**
in bruges
into the wild
la vie en rose

OLD ONES: (#for watched), (@for need to get)
the lady eve#
the awful truth#
the philadelphia story#
bringing up baby#
his girl friday#
sleepless in seattle@
when harry met sally@
bridget jones' diary@
roman holiday@
motorcycle diaries@
y tu mama tambien@

Why the random list, you may wonder? Just cuz. Maybe you'll find it useful for your trips to Blockbuster or Piratebay. Thanks for stopping by, and if you have any miracle cures for my disfiguring "situation" please drop a line or a comment. :)

-signed, "decidedly dumber after watching get smart"

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Hello Blog, It's Me Fiona

Again, I'm trying to quit being so verbose. So here it is quick and dirty.

My Grey's 2-Day All-you-can-watch Marathon has officially induced a state of manic depression. I thought this show was about love! drama! sexy stuff! NOT all this cutting people open, watching them die. What can I say, I get attached.

I'm beginning to think I'm the one in need of a morphine injection.

But anywho. I'm 2 days away from flying back from China. With a head bursting with plans, I've decided to check out this new thing called Mindmeister. It's a brainstorming tool fit for a...brainstormer like me. Lolcats.

I'm gonna map out my the rest of my summer, maybe create some wild storylines for my next novelette (I like that word teehee).

I'm already ahead, look! Some adjectives I'm hungry to infuse into the pages (ah, my secret passion for literature): swerving, billowing, repugnant. And don't forget the action words!...hrm can't think of any. But I digress, I'm ready to map my life. After that hard drive crash 2 months ago..(a disaster that dwarves the China earthquake by comparison. Ok, maybe not)...I'm ready to make amends, start fresh (and hopefully reignite some of those creative bits), make up for the 120gb of pure genius that went to waste (included were orig. poetry, orig. personal essays, life plans, life philosophies, seriously, music compositions I had mixed with audiomixer, thousands of photoshop creations that never got to see the light). I was young, naive, thought my little Dell was indestructible.

I was WRONG, and you will cry like a baby if you don't back up, so back up, back up. I found this new thing..well it's not new, but it is to me. It gives you free 2gb to save your files on their FTP server. It's safer than carrying around a usb drive (considering I lose my phone that's 10 times bigger almost everyday), and doesn't cost a thing. Trust me on this one, don't risk losing your memories/Nobel prize-worthy ideas. Mozy on over and get to it. Now.

What's with my irrelevant titles, you ask? I don't know, my brain flow just doesn't start until I start typing in the big text box I guess. Maybe it's lack of sleep from watching McDreamy all the time. Maybe it's having the attention span of a goldfish. Maybe it's...*stares cluelessly up in air*

Seriously. Seriously...seriously though. You'll grow to love the stream of consciousness-ness of me, I promise, and if not, screw you. *big cheesy smile* (ooh asterisked emotions are like real ones but better!)

On my Amazon book list:
Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Last thoughts (I'm sooo turning into Dr. Phil):

1. Life's too short but you know that.
2. Don't take your loved ones for granted (I'm realizing how real and amazing my grandparents are more and more each day, and I think, I'd like to be like that someday..just content, open-minded, never complaining, always enlightening me with their thoughts about the world).
   
3. Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
   
4. "It's better to know than wonder", as Meredith Grey says.
   

So maybe that wasn't as quick as expected, but it sure was dirty. Mmhgh, *smug look of disgust*. Time to "scrub in", I mean scrub up. Look what Grey's has done to me. Seriously.

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The Awful Truth

other than being the paradigm of screwball comedy at its finest...is...that...

this is yet another entry into the blogsphere...another lost Nemo in a sea of spermatite (miniscule and defenseless) little nomads.

So a few rules of conduct (and me-snippets) first of all,

1. There will be no profanity...all such verbage will be denoted by asterisks, number signs (I believe there's a word for the symbol, but who really cares what its called?), tildes (oh how much I've learned from Espanol though I can't seem to put one on my n right now), and my favorite, some good ol' word-improv (you're a smart cookie, you'll catch on).
2. I like lists. They are so informative, compact, and dare I say fun! They are the sparkle of monotonous prose. A simple paradox of order and innovation.
3. I lose track of what I'm saying sometimes. A trail of thought may wander into the Utopian abyss that is my mind and never find its way back into..what was I saying?
4. But nevertheless, I am optimistic..it's an incurable Dory syndrome that keeps me hovering precariously over the edge of destruction.
5. Dane Cook makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. People have said I sound like: a) a monkey, b) someone on crack, c) a man, when I laugh, and it's nice to get in touch with my feminity once in awhile (more such tutorial will follow).
6. Oldies are greaties. (See featured film of today's blog). If you haven't yet, go rent it. I used to abhor (ya that's right I hated it so much the word "whore" had to be uttered) the black and white, proper-talking classics. God forbid I'd accidently turn to TCM by accident; like a hot potato ready to scald my epidermis, I'd drop it like a bad habit. Perhaps it was a fear that monochromatic cinematography might have the opposite of a Pleasantville effect on me, turning me into a dull, grayscale replica of Mary Sue (but who knows, blonde (or technically light gray) could look good on me...if albino were in). It was my eccentric English prof that opened me up to the wonderful world of screwball comedy, and I will boldly compare it to such farcical acts of my bosom buddies Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and Ellen Degeneres.
7. An audiophile of audiophiles, I think every moment in life can be put soundtrack, and may break into written lyric every so often. Music carries my soul on Goliath-worthy rides, so don't mind my emotional ramblings, wait actually, do mind them..cuz that is why you're here, silly.
8. Happy, frantic, and sometimes confused...my search for truth..even if it may be awful, is my life...maybe with some power ballads in the background (a la Celine Dion).

Here I leave you for now with this list of 8 golden cheese nips of wisdom for you chew and ponder until my next foray into literary voyeurism.

I may be an enigma, but this Canadian Chinese-American who is just as East Coast as SoCal is just ODing on the wealth of information & culture that is..the web, the world, and the battle of self-identity. (oo ampersand..gotta love em).

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