The past 4 weeks have been one of the best times in my life. Only surpassed by those YAP summer camp days when we sang mmbop and made gimp keychains.
I have devoted half a summer to travel study at the University of Cambridge, Pembroke College and it has exceeded all my expectations. I love the hospitality, the people, the cozy community of young college students, the busy but not too crowded streets. The nightlife is awesome. I love the food (especially the Full English Breakfasts at Copper Kettle and my new obsession Nando's Peri-peri Chicken). I can't get over how weird it is that the past 4 weeks have flown by so quickly. Every memory documented, every meal documented, every British acquaintance captured in a Facebook album. Awkward model poses. I'm going to pick up scrapbooking when I get back just to make these memories last a little longer.
This trip has made me put things into a realist's perspective. Sometimes, when I went on family trips, it felt more like incarceration (long periods of time without human contact, with parents as guards to make sure I can't be free to do what I want to, lack of good food because parents are too cheap to buy a nice meal even for Christmas). When at one time I was debating politics in class, chatting with my grandpa (that's still the same), lazying the days away thinking about material things, succumbing to the L.A. lifestyle...in this place, at this moment in time, I'm content and free from paranoia. I feel good and full, purged of all the bad thoughts that plagued me during the past year. I LOVE CAMBRIDGE and I can't say it enough. I want to immerse myself here a little longer...be a full-time grad student here. And this little glimpse into a fully liberating experience has whet my appetite...as much as I find that phrase unpalatable.
The 4 weeks have felt more like a year because of my familiarity with all the little shops, ice cream parlors, the British accent (it sounds like how English is supposed to sound...I'll give them that), the clubs, the pubs, the croquet rules (haha this took the longest to figure out I'm afraid). Everything is so close - all within walking distance. Everything I need is right there - ATMs, food, bars, Trailer of Life. I feel spoiled and that's how home is supposed to feel. Back at my real home, on the other hand, everything is so unavailable. I'm not allowed to leave without telling one of my parents to drive me, and that's if they feel like it. I'm not inclined to leave because of the shitty neighborhood my parents have decided to plant themselves in for the period of the neverending recession. My parents hate the new. They hate the exciting. They hate everything that the ADHD child in me yearns for and I feel like a caged animal, losing the struggle, and losing hope in escape.
I've only reflected on this and came to this realization today as I frantically type away during one of the few breaks I get to catch up on Facebook. I'm basically writing to make up for my lack of reporting to the web confessional for my daily musings. What can I say, I have had little time to spare. I'm making the most of it right now. And in a week I'll be back on a plane to L.A. ready to stare my "home" down, and proclaim my emancipation, give them the ol' "you don't own me." A break is all I needed, but I'm so glad I'm going to have another one soon after I get back.
Luckily, I'm off to China 4 days after I get back. My birthplace and a real home away from...hell. My grandparents are beyond amazing individuals. I respect them in every way for what they've done, what they still do, what they teach me on a daily basis. I feel like my parents have blurred the lines between the role of a parent and friend, and have made it extremely difficult for me to consult them as either one. They've disowned me, disrespected me in public, insulted my character, insulted my appearance, psychologically and physically hurt me, done everything a parent isn't supposed to do, and I figure, if they are capable of all that and had me think I deserved it throughout my childhood, they do not deserve respect. They've been childish and selfish, and sacrifice has never been their priority, so I have learned to return the favor.
At the end of this long, sort of sad, sort of happy confession, I'm off to eat a lovely dinner, followed by a celebration of completing my last paper! Ready for some Rev tossers (Monday night BOGOF special) and some Fez or Soultree clubbing. I love life as it is right now and I'm dreading the day when things go back to the way they were.
Future post: Grad school apps to Cambridge! I'm gonna work my butt off to do what I've always wanted to do. And after 8 years of searching, I think I've finally found it.
Fingers crossed. Jumping in.
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