Can I Get A Witness

I'm officially 21. Old enough to drink in the U.S. Not old enough to know what I'm doing in this place called Earth. To begin, the other day something a friend said really got to me.

Everyone in this world is insignificant. And although we're all trying to find our significance and wield some amount of power over another, it's not why we're here. Being here, being born into this world, and being able to express ourselves through speech is not what makes us different from other animals. The real thing we do that truly differentiates us and makes us "human" is the force that drives us to make ourselves better, make each other better, and make the world a better place for future generations. As long as I have touched one person's life in some positive way, I have made a difference, and I am content in the honor of having "lived".

Now, this came from someone who doesn't believe in God. And me, I'm never one to argue over religious matters. I won't even bring up my stance on the matter or divulge my beliefs here. But it isn't about the God-fearing versus the God-less. Why would God, if there is one, want people to be divided and hate each other? It's senseless really, when all that energy could be directed towards improving the disease and poverty in developing countries. It just makes me really wonder what the fuck, mind my language, people who are in stable communities, healthy, and surrounded by families have to worry about? Nitpicking is what people do. Once you're in a good place in life, it's about getting even higher. Perfecting. Competing. Blaming. It's the closed-minded values instilled in our childhood that keeps us from seeing the BIG PICTURE and the opportunity for change.

Laws. There they are. They're just words on a paper. Signed by some stalwart, power-hungry, despot. These words aren't etched in stone or formed like million year old stalactites. Laws, people, things are fluid. And I'm sick being afraid to risk myself (or my pride) when I want to see some real change. It makes me want to work for the UN and get things accomplished because too many people don't understand why we should worry about the state of our country, or even more ridiculous, the welfare of another country. Droves of self-assuring believers don't realize that wars over religion are inherently POINTLESS. IGNORANCE is everywhere. And it's more a misunderstanding than a personality disorder of course, but someone needs to be the informant. Someone needs to stand in the line of fire in order for people to see the world can be saved, and that it is ONE WORLD, ONE PEOPLE. Not just one nation under God. It's about the good of the human race. Because, look out. Soon enough it's going to be 2012 and no higher being can save a race that doesn't deserve to be saved.

HAHA. I hope that scared you a little. Happy Halloween.

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"Post"card

9 mosquito bites, 30 Rock Seasons 1-3, and a bouncing baby boy in a country devoid of Facebook and Youtube.

Despite, omg-I-just-changed-your-diaper scenarios daily..this is the Happiest Place on Earth. And I realize why people say a life without love and people to share it with is a life unlived.

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University of Cambridge

The past 4 weeks have been one of the best times in my life. Only surpassed by those YAP summer camp days when we sang mmbop and made gimp keychains.

I have devoted half a summer to travel study at the University of Cambridge, Pembroke College and it has exceeded all my expectations. I love the hospitality, the people, the cozy community of young college students, the busy but not too crowded streets. The nightlife is awesome. I love the food (especially the Full English Breakfasts at Copper Kettle and my new obsession Nando's Peri-peri Chicken). I can't get over how weird it is that the past 4 weeks have flown by so quickly. Every memory documented, every meal documented, every British acquaintance captured in a Facebook album. Awkward model poses. I'm going to pick up scrapbooking when I get back just to make these memories last a little longer.

This trip has made me put things into a realist's perspective. Sometimes, when I went on family trips, it felt more like incarceration (long periods of time without human contact, with parents as guards to make sure I can't be free to do what I want to, lack of good food because parents are too cheap to buy a nice meal even for Christmas). When at one time I was debating politics in class, chatting with my grandpa (that's still the same), lazying the days away thinking about material things, succumbing to the L.A. lifestyle...in this place, at this moment in time, I'm content and free from paranoia. I feel good and full, purged of all the bad thoughts that plagued me during the past year. I LOVE CAMBRIDGE and I can't say it enough. I want to immerse myself here a little longer...be a full-time grad student here. And this little glimpse into a fully liberating experience has whet my appetite...as much as I find that phrase unpalatable.

The 4 weeks have felt more like a year because of my familiarity with all the little shops, ice cream parlors, the British accent (it sounds like how English is supposed to sound...I'll give them that), the clubs, the pubs, the croquet rules (haha this took the longest to figure out I'm afraid). Everything is so close - all within walking distance. Everything I need is right there - ATMs, food, bars, Trailer of Life. I feel spoiled and that's how home is supposed to feel. Back at my real home, on the other hand, everything is so unavailable. I'm not allowed to leave without telling one of my parents to drive me, and that's if they feel like it. I'm not inclined to leave because of the shitty neighborhood my parents have decided to plant themselves in for the period of the neverending recession. My parents hate the new. They hate the exciting. They hate everything that the ADHD child in me yearns for and I feel like a caged animal, losing the struggle, and losing hope in escape.

I've only reflected on this and came to this realization today as I frantically type away during one of the few breaks I get to catch up on Facebook. I'm basically writing to make up for my lack of reporting to the web confessional for my daily musings. What can I say, I have had little time to spare. I'm making the most of it right now. And in a week I'll be back on a plane to L.A. ready to stare my "home" down, and proclaim my emancipation, give them the ol' "you don't own me." A break is all I needed, but I'm so glad I'm going to have another one soon after I get back.

Luckily, I'm off to China 4 days after I get back. My birthplace and a real home away from...hell. My grandparents are beyond amazing individuals. I respect them in every way for what they've done, what they still do, what they teach me on a daily basis. I feel like my parents have blurred the lines between the role of a parent and friend, and have made it extremely difficult for me to consult them as either one. They've disowned me, disrespected me in public, insulted my character, insulted my appearance, psychologically and physically hurt me, done everything a parent isn't supposed to do, and I figure, if they are capable of all that and had me think I deserved it throughout my childhood, they do not deserve respect. They've been childish and selfish, and sacrifice has never been their priority, so I have learned to return the favor.

At the end of this long, sort of sad, sort of happy confession, I'm off to eat a lovely dinner, followed by a celebration of completing my last paper! Ready for some Rev tossers (Monday night BOGOF special) and some Fez or Soultree clubbing. I love life as it is right now and I'm dreading the day when things go back to the way they were.

Future post: Grad school apps to Cambridge! I'm gonna work my butt off to do what I've always wanted to do. And after 8 years of searching, I think I've finally found it.

Fingers crossed. Jumping in.

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